Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
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I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
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I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
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My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
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Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
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I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
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I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
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I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
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My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
George Mallya (Guest) on May 18, 2019
What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra! 🐋🎻
Jacob Kiplangat (Guest) on May 13, 2019
I am on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days. 📅🍔
Peter Tibaijuka (Guest) on May 12, 2019
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up! 🥚🤣
Rubea (Guest) on May 7, 2019
Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed! 🖼️🚨
Jackson Makori (Guest) on May 6, 2019
Why don’t skeletons play music in church? Because they don’t have organs! ⛪🎶
Simon Kiprono (Guest) on May 1, 2019
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. 😴💤
Nassor (Guest) on April 23, 2019
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it! 👻🚫
Joyce Nkya (Guest) on April 21, 2019
What kind of haircuts do bees get? Buzz cuts! 🐝✂️
Maneno (Guest) on April 18, 2019
I can’t believe how funny this is! 😂
Bernard Oduor (Guest) on April 16, 2019
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? Graaains! 🧟♂️🌾
Grace Mligo (Guest) on April 16, 2019
I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud? 🙄💬
David Ochieng (Guest) on April 11, 2019
Some people wake up looking fabulous. I wake up looking for my phone. 📱😴
Grace Wairimu (Guest) on April 11, 2019
Haha, my sides hurt from laughing so much! 🤣
Edith Cherotich (Guest) on April 10, 2019
Why don’t skeletons go to scary movies? They don’t have the guts! 💀🎬
Samuel Were (Guest) on April 2, 2019
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look, no hands! ⏱️🙌
George Ndungu (Guest) on March 31, 2019
Haha! I couldn't stop laughing at this one! 🤣
Zainab (Guest) on March 25, 2019
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems. 📚😭
David Musyoka (Guest) on March 24, 2019
😆 Rolling on the floor!
Latifa (Guest) on March 19, 2019
What do you call a snowman’s dog? A slush puppy! ⛄🐕
Josephine Nduta (Guest) on March 9, 2019
I love naps. Like, I literally love them. They make me feel better about wasting the day. 😴🛏️
Mwanais (Guest) on March 9, 2019
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop. 💵🛍️
Mwakisu (Guest) on March 7, 2019
Why did I wake up tired? I went to bed tired. 🛌😴
Raphael Okoth (Guest) on March 5, 2019
What kind of car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini! 🐑🚗
Asha (Guest) on February 24, 2019
😂 So funny!
Abubakari (Guest) on February 23, 2019
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain! 🐱⛰️
Nuru (Guest) on February 7, 2019
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? 🚗😠
Rahim (Guest) on February 3, 2019
Some days, I amaze myself. Other days, I trip over my own feet. 🤦♂️🤣
Robert Ndunguru (Guest) on February 1, 2019
Dieting is wishful shrinking. 🍩😆
James Malima (Guest) on January 29, 2019
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs! 🐝🍯
Jaffar (Guest) on January 20, 2019
I'd exercise, but it makes me spill my coffee. ☕🏃♂️
Nahida (Guest) on January 18, 2019
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish! 🦪💰
Farida (Guest) on January 8, 2019
😂 I can’t stop laughing!
Sultan (Guest) on December 30, 2018
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies! 🧹🎉
Edith Cherotich (Guest) on December 30, 2018
😂 I’m completely obsessed with this!
Peter Otieno (Guest) on December 26, 2018
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is 'act natural, you’re innocent.' 🏬😅
Sharifa (Guest) on December 6, 2018
My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it. 🏡🙃
Mwagonda (Guest) on December 5, 2018
😂 Gotta save this!
Henry Mollel (Guest) on December 3, 2018
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest. 😅🏖️
Stephen Kangethe (Guest) on November 26, 2018
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day. ☁️😎
Francis Njeru (Guest) on November 21, 2018
How do you tell a vampire has a cold? By his coffin! 🧛♂️🤧
Lucy Mushi (Guest) on November 8, 2018
🤣 That twist at the end, though!
Edward Lowassa (Guest) on November 7, 2018
I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. 🧩🤯
Hawa (Guest) on October 26, 2018
My goal this weekend is to move just enough so people know I’m not dead. 🛋️😂
Safiya (Guest) on October 9, 2018
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go! 🎈❄️
Rahim (Guest) on October 6, 2018
I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me. 🚉😅
Joy Wacera (Guest) on September 18, 2018
🤣 That punchline was unexpected!
Shamim (Guest) on September 15, 2018
I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. 😴😆
James Mduma (Guest) on August 31, 2018
I’m not shy. I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. 🦸♂️😎
Lydia Mzindakaya (Guest) on August 27, 2018
I have a degree in sarcasm. 🎓😏
Nuru (Guest) on August 13, 2018
I don’t care what the question is. The answer is pizza. 🍕🤤
Nuru (Guest) on August 13, 2018
I feel like I should clean the house, so I’m going to lie down and nap until that feeling passes. 🧹🛌
Mwanakhamis (Guest) on August 7, 2018
I’m still laughing, that was too good! 🤣
Martin Otieno (Guest) on July 30, 2018
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. ⏳😂
Safiya (Guest) on July 30, 2018
Some days, I amaze myself. Other days, I look for my phone while I’m talking on it. 📱🤦♀️
Maneno (Guest) on July 27, 2018
If you want your spouse to listen and pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. 🛌💬
Mtumwa (Guest) on July 24, 2018
😆 Laughing so hard right now!
Diana Mallya (Guest) on July 14, 2018
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It felt crumby! 🍪🏥
Fadhili (Guest) on July 8, 2018
I don’t understand why people say hurtful things like 'I don’t even know you.' We’ve been Facebook friends for two years! 📱😆
Sumaya (Guest) on June 17, 2018
😁 Definitely my new go-to joke!
Paul Ndomba (Guest) on May 25, 2018
If you can't remember my name, just say 'coffee,' and I'll turn around. ☕🙋♀️